I am going to become an expert on technology for diagnosing heart disease. Last month I wore a Holter monitor for 24 hours to see if my heart was behaving properly. It was not. After a stress test I was put on a double dose of the beta blocker, which seemed to take care of the problem until two nights ago. Now I have an event monitor to wear for 30 days. Fortunately it's much smaller than the Holter monitor, although after only three hours with it, I can tell it's not going to be easy to deal with.

The Holter monitor, which records your heart beat (activity) for the entire 24 hours, was huge. You wear it hanging from your neck with straps or clipped on to your bra. I wanted to go out the night I wore it so I wore a long scarf around my neck that covered what looked like my huge, third breast. Fortunately, it was cold out and no one noticed.

This new monitor is the size of a beeper, clips on to my waistband and connects with only two electrodes instead of the five used on the Holter. It records continuously but only keeps the recording when you recognize a problem and hold down the record button. At least, that's what I was told. After recording two events I am supposed to call an 800 number and send the information over the phone.

Evidently it also recognizes arrhythmias that I don't notice and then rings like a telephone. It's rung three times so far, really startling me. I called the number and the tech told me that it's doing it because of my irregular heartbeat. But the recording didn't come through properly. It hasn't rung since so I wonder what is going on. I think I should ask if I'm supposed to press the record button when it rings. I did not do that, but maybe that's why the recording didn't come through properly; there wasn't any.

The Osher term has begun again and I have this terrible feeling about it ringing when I sit in classes. I'll deal with that when it happens.